Since I've been emotional lately (which is pretty much a relative term coming from me, since I've always been proclaimed as "the most emotional guy I know" by more than one person), it has been suggested that I get myself a blog. Why not, right? It would feed my ego if people read this and gave me some sort of validation that I'm a good writer, or that things that I say are agreeable. It would give me the attention that I crave if people don't like what I say, if I cause some sort of controversy, getting people to talk about me when they otherwise wouldn't. There are many advantages of getting a blog. It is just much easier to have this public forum in such a nice layout so that the meaningless words that I type have a nice backdrop, and in essence, people think that the things that I write are much smarter than they actually are.
Now that I've gotten the awkward formalities out of the way, I'm going to once again write without any transition, since the dynamics of good writing are to break the rules while knowing what the rules are (I know, confusing, right?).
A few months ago, I stretched my mind trying to figure out what "moments" are. Recently, events have been occurring that I used to care deeply about. I remember that when it was the last day of class back then, I felt like I had a role to play; I was the nostalgic sentimental fella that didn't want school to end. During prom, graduation, my first day of college, and my last day of college, I felt nothing like what I thought I was supposed to feel. Everything just felt kind of empty. The role gets really old. You want things to mean more than they really do because you want to hold on to moments. But these "milestones" like prom and bullshit like that don't really mean much in the long run. You know what moments in your life are milestones? Moments that are unexpected. Moments like having the best day ever with your favorite person inside of an obscure place, like a grocery store, where, for some reason, everything goes perfect, and you wouldn't give that up for anything in the world. Those are moments. Those are milestones.
And moments aren't supposed to be held onto anyway. They're moments for a reason. They're fleeing, they stay with our memories, and then we make more of them. You just need to rack up as many as you can.
I used to think that it was because I was getting old and jaded that I stopped caring about things so much. I recently realized that I'm just getting older and more mature (and still have a long ways to go). The amount of care and love I have is the same as it used to be, if not more; but the the mindset that I have has changed significantly. Now, if it's the "last of something" or if it's some cliched event that is supposed to mean something, I won't act like it means a lot. It was hard to lose that idealism, optimism, and sentimentalism, because it made me feel more alive, and it made life have more melodramatic moments when I felt that life was so boring and needed my emotions to keep it alive. But guess what? Those are all small prices to pay when it comes to learning how to live with peace of mind, and to live honestly, and not like a hypocrite who plays a role.
