Hot Chicks and Comedians

So the other day, I had this epiphany. It was a pretty hot and slow day, which is usually where epiphanies come from. I was thinking of something I read a few years back about how to be a douchebag to get girls and it had this insight about how extremely attractive girls perceive their looks as a "curse" because they never know whether a guy really likes them for "them" or if it's because they're hot (the book tells you to use this to your advantage and make them feel insecure; it's Douchebag 101 and for the record, yes I've tried it, yes it works, yes it's generally on really stupid insecure girls, and no I haven't done it in years).

But honestly, I still couldn't wrap my head around this idea for a long time. When I was talking to several of my bajillion female friends, they would always make excuses for their own attractiveness, saying things like "oh guys would hit on anybody" or "guys are suckers who would fall for anybody who smiles at them" or "they're probably just being nice." I didn't get how an attractive girl can ignore her own attractiveness given that the entire world is telling them that they're more than average. So my epiphany, which sounds kind of boring at this point because I didn't know it would take me this long to make my point (and I only have an interesting title hook [and this tangent is killing more time]) that I don't believe people when they tell me I'm funny.

I remember performing for my Youth Group about a year and a half ago and how most of what I said was censored because, well, it was church, and they couldn't have me making fun of religion and/or political parties (it's church, by "political parties," I mean "the Republican party"). After the mass censorship, I improv'd a lot, and I gave a pretty mediocre set, but everybody was praising me, telling me how great I was. You see all the doubt in my words even a year and a half later? Telling you, the reader, that it's mediocre, ignoring the laughter, disbelieving the praise. Is it perfectionism, or is it insecurity? Maybe a mixture of both. But what I can tell you is that it makes me understand how girls feel when all they do is get complimented with how they look. All the compliments I get, all the handshakes, for whateve reason, make me feel so awkward after I've performed. I feel like people are lying to me to soften the blow, or lying to themselves so that they don't want me to feel bad for my mediocrity. Who knows? Maybe it's the same mentality on why girls are always making excuses for their looks. Maybe that's the same deep-rooted unexplainable insecurity.

You may have this natural inclination to not have any sympathy for an attractive girl because things come so easily to them, and maybe that's valid, but I do think that attractive girls do have a curse later on in life when it comes to matters such as being taken seriously or weeding out who's honest. Maybe my sympathy is too far-fetched, but sometimes, I feel as though people use me for my sense of humor, which sounds like an absurd thing to say. I do love it when I make people laugh, especially a pretty girl, but when it's all they want from me and all they want me to offer, I do feel very used like there is more to me than just jokes.

Comedy is a wonderful gift. Laughter can cure so many ails. It is one of the most things about myself that I'm proud of, my ability to make people laugh. But it only takes one person out of a crowd of hundreds to not find me amusing that all the insecurities start up again. I spend all of my time trying to get that person's approval. Once I get somebody's approval, I want them to see me as more. What kind of insecurities does that show, and what kind of way is that to live one's life?

I Am Hilarious

Robert Tran 0 4: hey what if a guy aske dyou on a date via text?

carolinele84: i don't text

Robert Tran 0 4: what if a guy asked you on a date via aim?

carolinele84: eh

carolinele84: not so much

Robert Tran 0 4: what if he wrote you a note and followed you home and left it in your mailbox and he was there when you opened it to see your reaction

Robert Tran 0 4: jk

Robert Tran 0 4: i ran out of questions

carolinele84: hahahhahhaha

Robert Tran 0 4: what if

Robert Tran 0 4: he sent you an e-invitation via facebook

Robert Tran 0 4: and the event was "a date with me"

Robert Tran 0 4: and you have to rsvp

Robert Tran 0 4: yes or no

carolinele84: robert stop

Robert Tran 0 4: okay

Robert Tran 0 4: i like the last one

carolinele84: hahaha, but that last one was pretty funny

carolinele84: LOL