I woke up in the middle of the night. So disoriented. Where was I? What the hell was going on? It's such a weird feeling to wake up at 4 in the morning for no particular reason, maybe from a dream you can't remember. For a minute after this disorientation, I would sometimes be struck by life. Reality would hit me harder than Chris Brown. I thought about my ex from three years ago, and all the stuff we did together. Was that real? Are my friends real? I can't believe some of them have been around for 17 years. I can't believe that I exist. I fucking exist. How trippy is that?
There's a computer next to me. My cell phone is on my table, always on silent so that I could be surprised whenever somebody contacts me via phone or text. It always felt like opening a present when I saw the phone lit up indicating that I got a text message. Happy present, Ron. Hi, you do exist. I am contacting you through technology, even though it doesn't feel real sometimes. I am real, too. Remember who you are? You're on Earth. Remember? You aren't sure about anything. Remember? This is life. Oh yeah, that's right. This is life. It's 4 in the morning. I'm in my room. I own a cell phone. I have many friends. I haven't had a girlfriend in two years.
Oh, right. This is my room. I couldn't recognize it because I was disoriented and my glasses were off, plus it's 4 in the fucking morning and the lights are off. Oh, right. I'm Ron. That kind of sucks.
All of these thoughts which I had guestimated--which is a stupid word, because guess or estimate would suffice instead of combining the two words--to be a minute were probably more like 10 seconds. That feeling that life is such a miracle, that I had been born again, and not in the religious sense, but born as a 23 year-old who just woke up for the first time. Jesus Christ I wish that the feeling lasted longer than 10 seconds. Why can't it last 10 months, 10 days, 10 MINUTES?
Oh, right. Life is a miracle, but some miracles can suck. At least I'm funny. That would suck worse than suck if I were boring. I wonder how boring people live with themselves. That must suck worse than being Ron.
I chuckled to myself before I headed back to sleep.