It doesn't really suck staying home all day by yourself. I do that quite often. I wake up, watch TV, eat, sometimes read, run, and do all the essential things. On some days, I'll go the whole day without barely saying a word. I'll mutter a few things to my parents, and then I'm locked up in my room. It isn't that bad. Maybe because I'm so used to my own solitude. Maybe I'm just so sick of people. I just wish that I can hate so many, but I don't because the fact that I still want to hate them means that I'm just very angry at them, which means I still care for them. How crappy is that. Who wants to deal with people? To paraphrase a conversation between Elaine and Jerry from Seinfeld, I hate people; they're the WORST.
The most awful feeling I get is when I've gone out, remembering how sociable I can be, making those around me laugh. Everybody seems to love me in those moments of laughter, or at least know that I exist. I hate it when it ends. I go home, hang up all my clothes, with either the TV or my music on in the background right away, because the silence just kills me. It reminds me of my place in the world. Everything's so damn lonely, and if I had just stayed at home, I would've remembered that instead of getting my hopes up with the ridiculous notion that I'm not alone. How naive of me to think so.
I feel like I would rather just stay home the whole day so that I won't have to come home later.
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