Things I Care About More Than Michelle Obama

I didn't actually watch the special, but I've read that Michelle Obama was voted as the most fascinating person of 2009. I had to check the calendar because I was only 99% sure that it was December something instead of April 1st. What the fuck has Michelle Obama done in 2009? No, let's reword that for oversensitive liberals who might read this. What NEWSWORTHY thing has she done in 2009? Seriously. The last thing I heard about Michelle Obama is that she goes around in sleeveless clothing. Is that a criteria now? So if Adam Lambert was sleeveless when he pushed a guy's head into his crotch, he'd be #1? But he wasn't sleeveless, just CLASSLESS!! HAHAHA! GET IT?!

Anyway, not to sound too much like Dr. Cox, but here's to give you an idea about how little I care about Michelle Obama. If I had to have an x-axis of things I care about from least important to most important, left to right, it would probably be wrestling all the way on the right, just a tad bit above family, friends, and our troops. On the other side, all the way on the left, it would be "stories about your shitty cat" which admittedly is an old stand-up comedy routine but I'll sacrifice comedic originality for more comical realism this time. So to recap, I care about wrestling MUCH more than Michelle Obama, but I care about Michelle Obama slightly more than I do about stories about your shitty cat. A few things that I also find more fascinating than Michelle Obama are global warming, Cougar Town, Sarah Palin's book tour, receiving a drink on Mafia Wars, Carrie Underwood's Christmas special, the Dallas Cowboys, and the swine flu.