Has a dream ever broken your heart?

It was weird that I had this dream about 20 hours ago and it didn't even hit me until 20 minutes ago.

It was of this potential life that I'd always fantasized about having. It was the encompassing of all of these crazy daydreams and scenarios of a life that I'd always claimed that I could've had. My dream was a reinforcement that it was never anything I could've had or ever came close to having. My dream reminded me that this "other life" was actually a dream itself.

It let me know that this is the only life I'd ever lived or ever will live, and it pounded at me that this fantasy life would never come true. The heartbreak I felt years ago came back, and everything felt identical to the way it used to. It was years of pain hitting me all at once, and it was a reminder that I needed to stop living in my dreamworld and get back the fuck in reality. I really can't believe that this all happened while I was sleeping.

My "other life" was dangling in front of me, mocking me, reminding me that it wasn't real and it never was. I haven't experienced that heartbreak in so many years when I was young. But it wasn't the girl that was breaking my heart this time. It was reality kicking me in the gut. After being dangled in front of me, the other life just vanished before my eyes. It was the worst feeling I've felt in a long time.

It felt like God broke my heart.

Blog Time!

Oh Good Lord it's been a long time since I have used "I" in a post! I, I, I! Fuck yes, I can cuss, too. For those of you who have been seeing how much I've pimped out my examiner.com page, I'm not allowed to use "I" or cuss in it because it's a pretty professional online news site. It's awesome. The pay isn't that great, but getting paid at all to review movies is a lot of fun. I really do wish that I had a real job though so that I can have a stable income and do this on the side.

I really kind of regret that "Hello World Pt. Infinity" title I have up there. I think it's pretty ingenious, honestly, but like a fish in the water, if you live in it long enough, water's no longer special. You see the Hello World Pt. Infinity everyday that it loses its luster. Everytime I go to update a blog, which isn't very often anymore, I feel like saying hello to the world again. But that stupid title has already done it and nobody cares. Just a little thing that bugged me.

There's really been nothing to write about. I've written a million words about the whole Conan/Leno fiasco that went down this month, and sadly, that was all that was new in "my" life. I meant to write a full-fledged entry on that alone, but I just couldn't find the words. It upset me more than people think. Not about how Conan was treated, but because somebody could do something so shitty publicly and have so many defenders. It's kind of silly to get so hung up over entertainment news, but entertainment is everything to me. I do take it too seriously and it does make me angry. That's because it matters to me.

I'll update more when I have something substantial to say. I just really wanted to say hi to everybody and anybody that still (or ever) read/reads this. Goodbye, folks. And unfortunately, I'm going to pimp out my site one more time. Gotta make some money, man.