It was weird that I had this dream about 20 hours ago and it didn't even hit me until 20 minutes ago.
It was of this potential life that I'd always fantasized about having. It was the encompassing of all of these crazy daydreams and scenarios of a life that I'd always claimed that I could've had. My dream was a reinforcement that it was never anything I could've had or ever came close to having. My dream reminded me that this "other life" was actually a dream itself.
It let me know that this is the only life I'd ever lived or ever will live, and it pounded at me that this fantasy life would never come true. The heartbreak I felt years ago came back, and everything felt identical to the way it used to. It was years of pain hitting me all at once, and it was a reminder that I needed to stop living in my dreamworld and get back the fuck in reality. I really can't believe that this all happened while I was sleeping.
My "other life" was dangling in front of me, mocking me, reminding me that it wasn't real and it never was. I haven't experienced that heartbreak in so many years when I was young. But it wasn't the girl that was breaking my heart this time. It was reality kicking me in the gut. After being dangled in front of me, the other life just vanished before my eyes. It was the worst feeling I've felt in a long time.
It felt like God broke my heart.
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